What does it mean to be a grandparent in today’s society? Quite a few people don’t even know there’s a special day set aside for grandparents. Of those who do, many will co-celebrate Mother’s or Father’s Day.

A cruise is a perfect opportunity to ponder the role of grandparents, especially because many cruise passengers are retired, and many of them plan extended family gatherings on a cruise ship. On a recent summer cruise to Alaska, several passengers shared their reflections about this special time in their lives.

The most common “best aspect” of being a grandparent is the unconditional love shared with the grandchildren. Gene Keng of Laguna Hills, Calif., loves his young grandchildren’s innocence. “They’re fun to play with. I’m more cheerful and they make me feel young again.”

Charlene Gridley of Reston, Va., echoed other common sentiments: “You can play with them when you want, or tell them to go away when you don’t feel like it.” For her, it’s fascinating to see her adult son interact with his children. But it also comes with the challenge each grandparent in this set of interviews struggles with: refraining from advising their kids about how to parent. The books and advice are so different now from her time, and simple things like child car seats didn’t even exist back then. Gridley wryly observed, “It’s a wonder that the younger generation even survived into adulthood.”

When asked to compare her grandparenting style with that of her own parents, Gridley stated that one major difference is that she likes to get down on the floor and play with them. Her Chinese immigrant parents followed the “respected elders” model. This behavior called upon parents to be looked up to—even worshipped—as teachers. They would never have gotten their hands dirty with the young children; that’s what maids and nannies were for.  As a grandparent, Gridley sees in herself a very different blend of authority versus intimacy. Nowhere to be seen in the mix is her parents’ authoritativeness.

Gridley’s husband, Peter, also feels the challenge of not trumping their son’s parenting. It’s hard not knowing what the parents want and it’s not something they’ve discussed with their son and daughter-in-law. Peter says, “It’s especially hard when the parents are there” because it would be telling the parents how to do their jobs. When the parents are away it’s much easier because Peter then simply asks the grandchildren, “What would your Mommy and Daddy say?”

Peter Gridley was asked what he would have done differently as a parent, knowing what he knows now as a grandparent. “I would have spent more time with my son.  Charlene raised him.  Back then my job—I was actually pursuing two careers—was to ensure the family’s finances.”

When asked what was the most surprising thing about becoming a grandparent, Charlene Gridley's sister, Meili Pinto of Warner Springs, Calif., remarked how different her grandchildren are from her. It’s a common phenomenon for most immigrants, but exacerbated by being so geographically far from her grandchildren.

In fact, grandparents’ reflections on seeing their families fell into two categories: close or far. Being part of the ‘far’ grandchildren’s lives is similar to long-distance relationship dating.  Instead of a steady, constant presence, in-person interactions must be planned in advance, for short, intense bursts of activity.  For Pinto, the only bad thing about being a grandparent is the geographical distance, which is so bad that sometimes her grandchildren feel like strangers to her. One of the obvious antidotes to that is more frequent visits with each other, such as making this cruise possible for the extended family.

One of the grandparents on the cruise, Sharon Wilhelmi of Grand Forks, N.D., straddles the line between close and far grandchildren relationships. Even with her grandchildren who live a few states away, no more than two months pass between visits. Most of her grandchildren are in town or a just a few hours away and she positively beamed when asked to reflect upon her grandparenthood.

According to Wilhelmi, the best aspect of grandparenthood is that she “can have the lousiest day, but those kids are the best medicine.” She loves being a part of their everyday lives and can’t wait to share thoughts with them. She found that the most surprising thing about being a grandparent was wondering if she could love the second one as much as the first. She could, and did so for each of the grandchildren as they came along.

When asked what she could do as a grandparent that she could not do as a parent, Wilhelmi mostly echoed the others: take classes and pursue hobbies and other interests, such as the cruise. Peter Gridley put it a slightly different way. “My life, work and hobbies are all pretty much the same, just with grandchildren added to the mix.” There’s more time and flexibility than before, but more intention is needed due to geographical distance.

Finally, what about the role of the grandparent? Meili’s husband, Michael Pinto, summarized best what turned out to be a universal theme in these interviews.

“It’s the expression of wisdom and knowledge and the passing on of the cultural legacy.”  He added that the grandparent gives the grandchild a place to turn. The parent has to wear many hats—teacher, disciplinarian, pro-vider and so on, and helps move the child forward into the world. The grandparent can be the gentle one whom the child can turn to.  The child gives the grandparent a way to interpret the changing world.  For the child, the grandparent gives a sense of the world and where he or she came from.

In short, grandparents provide a “glue to the generations.”