Living Softly
by Phylis Clay Sparks

    Have you noticed how much the word “hard” is used in today’s world?  We hear it in comments like, “Life is hard” or “It’s hard to make it in today’s world” or “It’s so hard to get a job these days.”  When suggesting what someone might do to make a positive change in his or her life, I often get the response, “But it’s so hard to do that!” It seems that the general impression of life today has to do with various versions of hardness; hardness in the form of mental toughness and emotional fortitude; hardness in the way we persevere in order to “swim with the sharks;” hardness in the way we defend our opinions and positions; hardness in the way we judge others; hardness in the way we judge ourselves and demonstrate being tense, rigid, uptight and uncomfortable in our own skin; and hardness in the form of cynicism, inflexibility, callousness or obstinacy.  
    Some people try to soften the hardness by using words like “challenge” or “lesson.” Or they say cute things like “Let’s turn this problem into an opportunity!” Or, “It’s a probletunity!” But regardless of what word or clever phrase we use, lurking in the back of most minds is the general belief that life is hard. Perhaps it’s time to change our perception of hardness into something else — a different mind set, a different approach to living.
    I wonder what our world would be like if we all tried living softly. I’m not talking about a sales campaign by a store about soft sheets, seat cushions or blankets. I’m talking about living softly by living without so much hardness. I’m talking about taking the hardness out of our thoughts and out of our words; taking the hardness out of trying; living without so many complications; living in a way that is willing rather than willful; living with hardiness and gentle power rather than hardness. 
    Think about when it is that you feel soft.  More than likely it’s when you're relaxed physically, mentally and emotionally.  You probably feel soft after you've had a massage, or after taking a hot bath or a short afternoon nap. I always feel soft after deep meditation, a yoga session or when holding a baby. We would all feel soft if we trusted ourselves enough to be gentle; if we trusted life enough to let it flow instead of trying to control, manipulate or force things to happen the way we think they should happen. We would feel soft if we stopped demanding that people behave the way we think they should behave. We would feel soft if we stopped trying to be right so much of the time. We would feel soft if we allowed kindness to prevail over all else. Kindness always brings softness with it.
    When we approach life softly, life tends to feel softer. Allowing things to flow easily and naturally is the way of the universe. Air flows freely without interruption. Water flows freely according to the path of least resistance. Light flows freely.  Softness helps us release our death grip on a prison of our own making. It helps us dissolve the hardness. Softness gives way to being loving, kind, strong, beautiful, warm, friendly – each in our own way.
    Examine your unbendable attitudes and the hardness of your words and actions.  Examine the stiffness of your body, your rigid opinions and the hardness of your fears. Learn to bend and be flexible, to speak softly and to surrender your hard opinions. Then notice how soft you feel.
    Phylis Clay Sparks is the Spiritual Director of The Soul-Esteem Center, a professional speaker and author of SOUL-ESTEEM: The Power of Spiritual Confidence. She may be reached at (314) ASK-SOUL, or www.soul-esteem.com.