The Blinding Light of Being Really Bright
by Mary Hall, LPC

    How were you perceived as a child? If you were labeled as “gifted” when you went to elementary school, many of your teachers probably responded to you in one of two ways.
    Either you were quite often left to your own devices in the classroom since — because you were so bright — the teacher assumed you could and would handle your work without having to ask too many questions or get much assistance. This is the teacher who thinks, “I’m lucky to have him/her in my class this year.”
    On the other hand, because you often asked questions and your mind was sometimes steps ahead of the rest of the class (and sometimes ahead of the instructor), the teacher regarded you as a nuisance or  troublemaker. He or she thought your motive was to be irritating or, worse yet, to create a power struggle for class attention. This is the teacher who thinks, “Oh no, I’ve got this kid in my class this year.”
    Ironically, gifted children (and often gifted adults) are treated as exceptional, not because of their intellectual abilities, but because of the assumptions many people make about how bright people think, feel and behave. One example characteristic of highly intelligent people is that they might spend a great deal of their time alone, inventing things, like Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla. Or that they indulge in fantasies about the best possible world (such as think tank members) and sometimes come out of the process as billionaires, such as Bill Gates.
    The truth is that even  highly intelligent people are also simply human. While they are usually successful in their education and business pursuits, they can definitely have normal lives, relationships and problems.  This goes for both children and adults.  Let’s be clear. While someone is considered “gifted” in one area does not mean his peers are “not gifted.” Gifted means someone whose talents and abilities in one or more areas of knowledge and understanding surpass those of most people. I don’t think that giftedness in this context is an all-or-nothing concept.
    Here are some myths about gifted and talented children I have heard in my experience as an educator and psychotherapist compared to what I consider the realities.
    Myth:  Bright children don’t need as much emotional or moral support as average children do.
    Reality: Bright children need the same loving encouragement, feedback and criticism as every child does. They can often complete projects with minimal direction, but they still need structure, direction and support.
    Myth: Bright children are best left alone to develop their own resources, as well as creativity.
    Reality:  All children, as well as all adults, profit from working in varied groups, listening to other ideas and perspectives while sharing their own. Creative solutions often emerge from brainstorming with other people about problem situations.
    Myth: Bright children always want to come in and take over so others will recognize how smart they are. They set up situations which make them look good at another’s expense.
    Reality: Many gifted children can also appear very shy. They find great comfort in their inner worlds of thought and creation, and may feel reluctant or anxious about sharing their unique perceptions with peers because of potentially being considered strange or a “geek.” Intelligence often manifests itself in the ability to quickly recognize solutions to complex problems.
    Myth: Bright children constantly flit from one subject or idea to another, and they don’t appear to concentrate long enough on one thing to grasp it completely.
    Reality: Highly intelligent people — adults and children — can often assimilate and integrate disparate ideas and data into a meaningful picture fairly rapidly. What may look like inattentiveness may be productive, creative thinking in process.  
    All children adopt most of their behaviors and traits to adapt and survive in a confusing, hyper-stimulating and often hostile world. Both adults and children in gifted childrens’ worlds can empower or disempower them. At times, unrealistic expectations are placed on their intellectual functioning and ability to think and act like an adult. At the same time, they are often seen as a confusing, controversial and disconcerting individuals who fail to see the merit of conventional age-related behaviors and do not readily fit into the mold of normalness.
    Gifted children may try to create emotional safety by avoiding uncomfortable situations and people, which may give the impression they are aloof or withdrawn. If they appear to withdraw into their inner world, it may result in conflict and rejection by peers and even family members who see only the surface behavior, rather than seeing the cause of the behavior.
    To boost his or her self-esteem, help your gifted child accept these ideas.

• You are perfect just the way you are; superior intelligence is a very special gift.

• Spend time with people, both adults and children, who empower you and make you feel better about yourself.

• Understand that having and sharing feelings, and showing respect toward yourself and others, are the best ways to reveal and expand your gifts.

© mary I hall 3.11.2010